So in our lives, there are times when the Universe comes to settle accounts. Some moments are bigger than others. The Universe has come for me.
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So as you may (or may not) know, last week I bought a new (to me) car. This event was the Universe finally glancing in my direction and coming to settle some accounts. Turns out new car means new insurance means higher premiums. Also, the payments were like $75 more than the max I had planned for. The universe was forcing me to make changes I had always kind of half heartedly wanted to make, but never seriously tried. Well, it’s go time.
Then my doctor’s appointment this past week cemented that need.
These changes I MUST make will save me about $150 a WEEK. Enough to make my car payments and begin repaying my family for the help they have given me in this emergency.
These are all positive and necessary changes, AND they have the bonus of keeping me alive longer.
I may talk about these particular changes at another time, but we’ll see.
But the Universe balances in other ways as well.
I have, in addition to my depression, some anxiety which is mostly mild, but can explode in a very short time. In the past two months, I have had two severe panic attacks that took several days to recover from. I hate that.
But I digress. My week started out full of Imposter Syndrome and worry worry worry. Worry that I might be on the RIF block at school. Worry about not having an observation yet and what implications that might mean. Worry that I might get cut out of numbers in Godspell because I can’t cut the dancing or whatever.
But then my union rep gave me some reassurance that I SHOULD be OK. I had my observation, and I think I did a pretty good job. And I had a wonderful rehearsal today (it was an extra rehearsal. The show is going to be spectacular, but we want it to be perfect, so lots of work) where we covered the major dance sequences and practiced music. As it went on, I felt more and more confident. I still feel I’m one of the weakest performers in terms of dance, but that’s just due to having to catch up to folks who have been doing it for years and years. AND I found my character today. I found his “Get It” moment, and it’s beautiful. So emotional balance is happening. Sort of. My complexes will still have complexes, but I’m learning.
And now, on to Tops!
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