Not gonna lie, this has been a strange week for me. Lots of different feelings.
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So if you read last week’s diary, I had a great time on Saturday, white knuckle bus driving aside, and started going about my business Sunday morning. Then I got some bombshell news on our family call. I’m still trying to process, and not doing well. It’s a good thing I have a therapy appointment next week.
So that has been weighing on my head like an overwhelming sense of dread. I’ve been feeling that more often this past week. The dread, that is. I don’t know why, but there it is. And it has dampened all the good stuff going on.
And the good stuff has been AMAZING.
So—our principal had wanted to do a school wide Black History Month celebration. Naturally she asked the HAPA (see above picture) teachers for participation. HELL YEAH we said. Any chance to show off our amazing kids. So, in our Black Box theater we had the concert band, orchestra, rock band, dance, and the choirs performing. Outside, we had the visual arts kids showing off their work. We also had a “living wax museum” of historical figures. We also invited Black owned businesses in the area to set up tables as well.
So our choir program was as follows: A three part arrangement of “Lift Every Voice and Sing” which we have used for the past three years to open. Following dance, band, orchestra and rock band, it was our turn.
We started with “This Little Light of Mine”. A children’s song, yes, but during the Movement, it was the song the marchers sang in jail and as they were being arrested.
Then we had three solos. A junior did Amazing Grace. Yes, a Scottish tune, but If the President can sing it, so can we. I was very proud of them as they are infamous amongst our choir for a horrible sense of pitch, but they sang very well. A senior sang her medal winning ISSMA song (see last week’s diary), Harry Burleigh’s arrangement of “Ev’ry Time I Feel The Spirit”. Then came my secret weapon. When this Freshman was in 8th grade, she was Rafiki in our district’s production of Lion King, Jr. This semester I FINALLY got her in my beginning choir. She sang Sam Cooke’s “A Change is Gonna Come” and BLEW the house down.
We finished with our version of “Stand Up” from the movie “Harriet”. There were ORIGINALLY four soloists. A senior did the first verse, while the choir did the “humming” and the chorus. A sophomore did the second verse, and another sophomore did the bridge. After the bridge, the chorus repeats three times, then another sophomore did the closing. What they weren’t ready for was my Freshman. She sang the solo obbligato in the third repetition of the chorus before the end. During rehearsal the entire choir STOPPED singing to listen. One of the best seniors, who sings professionally (at least she gets paid to sing) said “OMG, she’s better than me”. My inner Boris Badenov was giggling like a madman.
Anyway, here’s “Stand Up” for reference to my notes:
Then the performance. This is the email I received from our school’s librarian later that night:
I am so glad that I came tonight to experience the HAPA team and their students. I saw great dance, heard beautiful music of our orchestra and band, experienced the rock band, and finally , listened to the amazing choirs. The choir performance was such a fitting way to end the evening. I was so moved by the selections of songs. I sat there in awe---such talent. The final piece of Stand up from Harriet ----WOW. That was moving. It had me in tears.To think back and remember our first year of the school. Both of you have worked so hard to build up the vocal performances program. You both inspire our students to greatness . That was a great performance. I was moved---that is why the arts are so important—the arts move and inspire us all. WOW.
So, yeah. That’s when a MAJOR Imposter Syndrome set in. I know as a band director I’m GOOD. No Imposter Syndrome there. But as a choir director? I feel it all the time. And even when I do well, I always have that feeling. Especially when I’m working with another choir director. Was it his work alone? How much did I really contribute? And it was way worse this time because of my week off with COVID.
And it’s also kicking in this week for ANOTHER thing. I have an audition this week for Godspell. I know I am not nearly as good as most of the people auditioning. But I do know my voice, and I have my instrumental skills in my back pocket, but I’m still asking myself “Why are you doing this when you know you’re not good enough to be cast?” And so on.
BUT—I have much that I have no feelings of Imposter Syndrome. I have a concert next week that I KNOW I’ll kick ass at. Plus ANOTHER concert in which I will do well. Why do I not feel this for those shows? Because I am performing in my different milieus as a bassoonist and as a choir singer.
So that’s this week’s update in my goings on. Next week, I’ll talk all about my Godspell audition and whatever else moves my fancy.
Now, on to Tops!
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From Paul A:
I applaud Captain Frogbert's analysis (https://www.dailykos.com/comments/2225387/88104557#comment_88104557) of the MAGA mindset in today's Abbreviated Pundit Roundup (https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/2/24/2225387/-Abbreviated-Pundit-Roundup-How-the-need-for-chaos-keeps-Trump-in-the-running).
Cheers,
Paul A
From inkstainedwrench:
Ironwoodedward comments and MTpika replies
on diary by TheCriticalMindChristian-IST fascists are "Pro- Death" fantasists.
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